Building trust during change often begins before we ever explain the change itself. People are already forming opinions about us and our message.
Yesterday someone knocked on my front door.
He introduced himself and told me he was offering free insulation inspections for older homes. That sounded reasonable enough. Then he said the phrase I’ve heard countless times:
“We’re already doing work in your neighborhood.”
The moment I heard it, I stopped listening.
It wasn’t necessarily because he was wrong. It was because I’d heard that same pitch so many times that I’d already decided how the conversation was going to go.
After he left, I found myself thinking about leadership.
How often do we unintentionally trigger the same reaction in the people we’re trying to influence?
People Have a Story in Their Heads Before You Ever Speak
Years ago, I sat in on a presentation from a large consulting firm.
The consultants were polished, confident, and obviously smart.
Then they spent nearly the entire presentation talking about themselves.
Their experience. Their expertise. Their process.
I don’t remember much curiosity about the people sitting across the table.
As I watched, I had an uncomfortable thought:
“I’ve probably done that myself.”
It’s an easy mistake to make.
When we’re leading change, we often assume people need more information.
Sometimes what they really need is a reason to believe we’re paying attention to what’s already on their minds.
The Thought Bubble Test
A little later, I was preparing to work with a leadership team outside the United States.
I knew they probably had some assumptions about an American consultant walking into the room. If I immediately started explaining my models and frameworks, I’d likely reinforce every one of those assumptions.
So I tried something different.
I asked whether they remembered comic strips with little thought bubbles floating above the characters’ heads.
Then I acted out what I imagined those thought bubbles might say.
“Oh great…another consultant.”
“He’s from the United States.”
“He’s written books, so he probably thinks he has all the answers.”
People laughed.
Not because I was particularly funny. Because the thought bubbles felt true.
Once we could acknowledge those assumptions together, they stopped getting in the way.
Instead of talking about my ideas, I talked about theirs.
Before the meeting, I’d asked everyone to complete a short survey. Rather than beginning with my presentation, I shared the three themes that had emerged from their responses.
The conversation changed because it was about what mattered to them—not about me.
Trust Is Built in Small Moments
Building trust during change rarely happens because of one brilliant presentation.
More often, it’s built through dozens of small interactions.
I know someone whose job was building relationships with physician practices on behalf of a hospital.
Her meetings were short and efficient, but nothing seemed to happen afterward.
Then she made one simple change.
She started arriving a few minutes early. She’d grab a cup of coffee, chat with people, stay a few minutes afterward, and simply get to know them.
Those informal conversations changed everything.
People remembered her. Relationships developed. Trust grew.
Alan Alda once shared a similar insight about acting.
Before rehearsals, he’d spend time simply talking, telling stories, and laughing with the other actors.
He said you can’t really respond to someone you don’t know.
I think the same is true for leaders.
People are much more willing to follow someone they feel connected to.
One Question Before Every Conversation
Whenever I’m preparing to talk with people about change, I try to ask myself one simple question:
What thought bubbles might already be floating above their heads?
If I ignore those assumptions, I’m working against them.
If I acknowledge them and focus first on what’s important to the people in front of me, the conversation usually goes much better.
The change itself may not become any easier.
But people become much more willing to engage because they feel understood before they’re asked to understand me.
I’d love to hear what you’ve found helps build trust when you’re leading people through change. I think we can learn a lot from each other. So please comment on my LinkedIn post here and let’s start a conversation.
About the Author, Rick Maurer
